There are two types of people in this world...which one are you?

Let me begin by saying that I love audiobooks. Some may think of it as the lazy mans version of reading but I don’t mind. I love the fact that it allows me to learn at the same time as undertaking daily tasks and chores. I like the fact that I can get up first thing in the morning and put my head phones on and learn something new and exciting or something that will motivate me and set the tone for my day - give it a try. I tend to listen as I make my breakfast, take care of the washing or ride the train into the city. For the last few days I have been listening and re-listening to a program by Steve Chandler. They say that repetition is the key to learning so I have purposely listened to it a number of times to ensure that I absorb each and every last piece of wisdom. The audiobook echoes the idea of the power of choice that I blogged about a few weeks ago in ‘choose your own adventure’. I thought that it may be an idea to re-explore and elaborate on some of these concepts.

In the audioboook Steve identifies two types of people. He points out that you are either an ‘Owner’ or a ‘Victim’ in life. The category you fall into will determine the way that you view the world as well as your experience of it. So what are these two categories? An owner is someone who owns their experience of life, the world and their response to the situations that occur in it - they accept responsibility for the ups and the downs and the part that they play in them. A victim on the other hand is someone who is always looking for someone or something else to blame for their plot in life - they are literally a victim of their circumstances and those around them.

So which one are you?

My personal thoughts are that each of us can be both of them at different times - this will tend to depend on the situation and the frame of mind that we are in at the time. I think it is natural to automatically assume that you are an owner, but I think in reality the majority of us have gradually been programmed to use the victim mindset. Ask yourself when was the last time that you heard yourself say ‘He/she makes me so angry’ or ‘If I had more...(you fill the blank) I would be able to...’ or ‘I hate my job but I need the money’ or ‘why me / whynow’. Any of these sound familiar? This type of thinking can be associated with a victim mindset. The issue with this victim mindset is that it zaps your power and motivation and more importantly keeps you trapped in the position that you are currently in.

‘But not all of those things are in my control’ I hear many people say. Is that the truth or the victim inside you speaking? When you give up control of the situation you are settling for an outcome that is dictated to you. Is that what you want? Someone else determining your happiness? The major difference between the victim and the owner is that the owner wants to take responsibility for their situation - they do this because they know that doing so puts them in a place of power. Once they take responsibility for the situation and acknowledge that they are a part of the problem it then allows them to be the solution - it gives them options and choices on how to react to whatis happening rather then being the helpless victim who gets pushed around.

Now a distinction that I need to make here is that taking ownership is not about blaming, being critical of or beating yourself up about things - it is simply about acknowledging your part in the matter (not dwelling on it like a victim), identifying what options you have and then taking action to rectify the situation.

One of the main areas that we tend to slip into this victim mentality is when other people are involved. There is a natural tendency to make them wrong and you right. There is a quote that I like by Eleanor Roosevelt ‘No one can make you inferior without your consent’. The idea is that you are completely responsible for how you feel - no one else can make you think or feel something without you giving them permission to do so. What happens is that they do something - that’s all. It is YOU that assigns a meaning to what they did which results in that thought or feeling that you have. You have a choice inthe meaning that you assign - they don’t - so don’t forget that. In this type of situation the only thing that being a victim gives you may be the sympathy or pity of others - even this doesn’t last long because those around you start to get sick of hearing you complain. Instead make the choice to take ownership for how you feel and take action. You could avoid that person or address the issue with them - let them know what you made it mean and look for a way you can work it out - much more powerful then complaining and feeling sorry for yourself.

Over the next few days I encourage you to start to identify times when you slip into that victim mindset. Become aware of the areas that this tends to happen and the costs that it has on your personal power and happiness. Being an owner really does give you power - and knowing that you can take control of situations does wonders for the way that you think about yourself and who you are as a person.

In the next blog we will look at two powerful questions that “Owners’ use.

In the meantime if you would like to start listening to some audiobooks head to www.learnoutloud.com. This site has a wide range and is not limited to just personal development. There is a section entitled ‘Free Stuff’ where you can download some of the titles and talks at no cost.

Until we meet again.

Dan