Yes it sounds like the title of a lame love song where the hearts of two forbidden lovers (think Romeo and Juliet) become intertwined, declaring their undying love for other another but I assure you that this blog will have a little bit more grunt then that - although I can’t promise that you will not experience yourself sitting alone silently sobbing before eventually finding yourself feeling more whole then you have in a long time! I recall when I first did this exercise I couldn’t stop the tears streaming down my face. Was I embarrassed? Hell yeah - you could say the map that I had in this area of my life was that guys don’t cry - something that many others have also been socially programmed to believe but that’s a whole other story.
So why does this process have the ability to move you so much? Whilst I can’t answer this definitively I would suggest that it is because it works at the level of the sub-conscious or unconscious mind. Depending on who you speak to between 5-15% of our brain is used for conscious thought - this is the section where we think about what we want to wear, what we want to do on the weekend etc. The rest of the brain is the all knowing and all powerful subconscious mind which takes care of all of the important stuff like breathing, ensuring that your heart beats etc. To give you a brief background when we learn something we go through various stages, starting where we need to consciously focus on something to successfully complete task and then eventually moving through the various stages of learning to a point where the task becomes an automatic function (think driving). Once we are at this level of learning it is the subconscious or unconscious mind that does all the work.
So why is this important? Most of the issues that you have are to do with the subconscious or unconscious mind. Although the subconscious mind is all knowing and has all the resources that you need if you don’t take charge it will often generalise and make decisions for you based on the past - something we have discussed in previous blogs.
Now let me ask you a question...has there ever been a time in your life where you have been torn over something or felt a situation where you had mixed emotions? Perhaps one or two I hear you say? It’s almost like there are two different sides and you feel like you are stuck in the middle. This is what todays exercise will address and you may be shocked by the results.
When we are first born we are born perfect, whole and complete - we do not question who we are or what we need to do, we just know if we are hungry we are hungry and we need to eat. What happens over time is that we come up against different life events that this perfection is shattered - different situations split us into different pieces, each piece learning to deal with and cope with things differently - this is why we some times feel so conflicted because there are two or more parts, each with very different approaches to how you should be dealing with the situation.
So take a deep breath - for many of you this may make sense, others may feel slightly a sense of comfort because they no longer feel insane or like they have multiple personalities and for others they will be completely confused - where ever you are at is where you are supposed to be and it will become clearer as we go through the steps. The idea of this exercise is to take an area of your life that you feel a conflict, look at the highest intention of each of the parts in question and find some common ground. You may find an overwhelming sense of relief - I would liken it from taking two arch enemies in a boxing ring and causing a shift which result in the two become the best of friends, working in unison and tackling the situation together as a team. When you don’t have all of that conflict you may find that you have more space to enjoy the experience and that you become much more efficient and focused in that area of your life because everyone is one board and heading in the same direction rather then struggling and jostling for the upper hand.
Before we begin a word of warning - you may at first feel a little ridiculous doing this. For many it will be unlike anything you have done before and may feel a little strange or awkward. Why is this? I could ask you why you felt strange and awkward when you first started driving a car? The answer is the same - because it is new and different to what you have ever done before - you are essentially learning to drive your subconscious brain for the first time. My advice is to relax - let the subconscious take over as it knows what to do - you can trust is because after all you trust it to keep your heart beating or to fill your lungs with the oxygen right?
Parts Integration
1. Identify an area of your life where you feel conflicted, torn or confused as to which option to take. In our example the client wanted to compete in sport but always found that she injured herself before actually playing the game or competing in the match.
2. Sit comfortably allowing your hands to rest on your thigh with your palms facing upward. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And then let it go. Relaxing as you exhale and in your own time allow your eyes to close. Ask your subconscious mind if it would be willing to have a look at the cause of the conflict. Would these parts be willing to communicate with you? It doesn’t matter if it is now or in a little while but ask the first part if it would come out and sit on your hand - whichever hand it would prefer and in a time that feels right for it. Now that it is there just notice it for its characteristics. Does it look like something or someone you know? How does it sound and do you know the voice for its tone, quality etc? How does it feel on your hand - does it have a certain weight, texture, energy? Acknowledge the part for being willing to be involved in the process. Ask the second part to join you on the other hand and notice the how this part presents itself. In our example the person found that the part looked and sounded like her mother, it was heavy and dark. The second part was a younger version of herself.
3. Notice how the parts feel about one another. Are they looking at each other? How do they feel about one another?
4. Ask the first part what its purpose is? What does it want for you? We are then going to do what is known in NLP as ‘chucking up’. Chunking up is the process of identifying the highest purpose. Don’t over think this. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you ask what the part wants for you? Then ask the part for the purpose or what this purpose will provide you with? - with each answer you will be provided with a slightly higher purpose. Continue asking the part ‘for what purpose’ to each response that it provides until you can’t get any higher. The client in our example had a part that originally answered that it was there to protect her. When asked ‘for what purpose’ it responded so that she does get hurt (interesting given it was hurting her to avoid hurt). With continued questioning it moved to the fact that if she wasn’t hurt she would be ok and if she was ok then she could be happy. The purpose of being happy was to be happy. If you ask the part three time for the purpose and the answer is the same then you know you have gotten to the highest purpose. Thanks the parts for it’s participation.
5. Turn to the second part and follow the same line of questioning in part 4. In our example the second part wanted the lady to play in sport for enjoyment. When asked for what purpose it answered for fun and finally so that she could be happy. Some times it will take continued questioning to get to the higher purpose - other times you will only need to ask the purpose once or twice to get to the answer.
6. Take a moment to notice what the highest purpose was for each part. Are they similar? Did they have a similar purpose but were going about things in a very different way? Notice how the parts feel about each other now? Has there been a shift? If there has not you may want to go back to step 3 and 4 and make sure that you reach the highest purpose for each part. Asked the parts if there are there things about each part that the other part would like to posses or that it admires - it may not be all of the characteristics but perhaps there is something that it would like to have itself. Whilst I would never suggest that it would happen to you many people notice that there hands have moved, slowly inching themselves together through the process as each part realises that they do indeed have a similar underlying purpose. The client in this situation noticed that the parts turned towards one another and now had more of an appreciation for what each wanted to do - there was no longer a sense of friction but one of commonality.
7. Ask the parts if they could work together to achieve the desire outcome and could learn from each other to move forward as one.
8. Take a moment to check if there are any other parts that would like to join in or feel that there has been anything left unsaid. If there is ask this part to join in and repeat the above steps.
9. If all parts are aligned allow the hands to join and with a deep breath bring the parts together pushing them into your chest and enjoying the sensations that occur. Allow yourself to noticed the feelings that occur for you and enjoy them for as long as you feel is right.
10. Take a moment to think about the area now and notice how it now feels for you? Has there been a change or a shift?
11. As with all processes in NLP we then like to do what is known as a future pace. Allow your mind to drift off into the future where you would have normally acted in a different way then you will now that you have these new resource and level of completion. Notice how you now act differently, totally aligned, more efficient and just enjoy how you represent that.
As I mentioned before this is a powerful process. You may find that as you go through the steps that the highest purpose of each part is completely different to what you imagined that it would have been. You can do this on any area of your life - from relationships to people or situations - allowing you to piece together some of those parts and feel more complete then you have in the past. So enjoy!
If any of you go through this and need help or assistance feel free to contact me with your questions on honeyishrunkthevids@gmail.com
To ensure that you receive all of the latest postings visit my Facebook page and click on the ‘Like’ button. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Vids/256234771090470
Until we meet again
Dan
So why does this process have the ability to move you so much? Whilst I can’t answer this definitively I would suggest that it is because it works at the level of the sub-conscious or unconscious mind. Depending on who you speak to between 5-15% of our brain is used for conscious thought - this is the section where we think about what we want to wear, what we want to do on the weekend etc. The rest of the brain is the all knowing and all powerful subconscious mind which takes care of all of the important stuff like breathing, ensuring that your heart beats etc. To give you a brief background when we learn something we go through various stages, starting where we need to consciously focus on something to successfully complete task and then eventually moving through the various stages of learning to a point where the task becomes an automatic function (think driving). Once we are at this level of learning it is the subconscious or unconscious mind that does all the work.
So why is this important? Most of the issues that you have are to do with the subconscious or unconscious mind. Although the subconscious mind is all knowing and has all the resources that you need if you don’t take charge it will often generalise and make decisions for you based on the past - something we have discussed in previous blogs.
Now let me ask you a question...has there ever been a time in your life where you have been torn over something or felt a situation where you had mixed emotions? Perhaps one or two I hear you say? It’s almost like there are two different sides and you feel like you are stuck in the middle. This is what todays exercise will address and you may be shocked by the results.
When we are first born we are born perfect, whole and complete - we do not question who we are or what we need to do, we just know if we are hungry we are hungry and we need to eat. What happens over time is that we come up against different life events that this perfection is shattered - different situations split us into different pieces, each piece learning to deal with and cope with things differently - this is why we some times feel so conflicted because there are two or more parts, each with very different approaches to how you should be dealing with the situation.
So take a deep breath - for many of you this may make sense, others may feel slightly a sense of comfort because they no longer feel insane or like they have multiple personalities and for others they will be completely confused - where ever you are at is where you are supposed to be and it will become clearer as we go through the steps. The idea of this exercise is to take an area of your life that you feel a conflict, look at the highest intention of each of the parts in question and find some common ground. You may find an overwhelming sense of relief - I would liken it from taking two arch enemies in a boxing ring and causing a shift which result in the two become the best of friends, working in unison and tackling the situation together as a team. When you don’t have all of that conflict you may find that you have more space to enjoy the experience and that you become much more efficient and focused in that area of your life because everyone is one board and heading in the same direction rather then struggling and jostling for the upper hand.
Before we begin a word of warning - you may at first feel a little ridiculous doing this. For many it will be unlike anything you have done before and may feel a little strange or awkward. Why is this? I could ask you why you felt strange and awkward when you first started driving a car? The answer is the same - because it is new and different to what you have ever done before - you are essentially learning to drive your subconscious brain for the first time. My advice is to relax - let the subconscious take over as it knows what to do - you can trust is because after all you trust it to keep your heart beating or to fill your lungs with the oxygen right?
Parts Integration
1. Identify an area of your life where you feel conflicted, torn or confused as to which option to take. In our example the client wanted to compete in sport but always found that she injured herself before actually playing the game or competing in the match.
2. Sit comfortably allowing your hands to rest on your thigh with your palms facing upward. Take a deep breath in. Hold it. And then let it go. Relaxing as you exhale and in your own time allow your eyes to close. Ask your subconscious mind if it would be willing to have a look at the cause of the conflict. Would these parts be willing to communicate with you? It doesn’t matter if it is now or in a little while but ask the first part if it would come out and sit on your hand - whichever hand it would prefer and in a time that feels right for it. Now that it is there just notice it for its characteristics. Does it look like something or someone you know? How does it sound and do you know the voice for its tone, quality etc? How does it feel on your hand - does it have a certain weight, texture, energy? Acknowledge the part for being willing to be involved in the process. Ask the second part to join you on the other hand and notice the how this part presents itself. In our example the person found that the part looked and sounded like her mother, it was heavy and dark. The second part was a younger version of herself.
3. Notice how the parts feel about one another. Are they looking at each other? How do they feel about one another?
4. Ask the first part what its purpose is? What does it want for you? We are then going to do what is known in NLP as ‘chucking up’. Chunking up is the process of identifying the highest purpose. Don’t over think this. What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you ask what the part wants for you? Then ask the part for the purpose or what this purpose will provide you with? - with each answer you will be provided with a slightly higher purpose. Continue asking the part ‘for what purpose’ to each response that it provides until you can’t get any higher. The client in our example had a part that originally answered that it was there to protect her. When asked ‘for what purpose’ it responded so that she does get hurt (interesting given it was hurting her to avoid hurt). With continued questioning it moved to the fact that if she wasn’t hurt she would be ok and if she was ok then she could be happy. The purpose of being happy was to be happy. If you ask the part three time for the purpose and the answer is the same then you know you have gotten to the highest purpose. Thanks the parts for it’s participation.
5. Turn to the second part and follow the same line of questioning in part 4. In our example the second part wanted the lady to play in sport for enjoyment. When asked for what purpose it answered for fun and finally so that she could be happy. Some times it will take continued questioning to get to the higher purpose - other times you will only need to ask the purpose once or twice to get to the answer.
6. Take a moment to notice what the highest purpose was for each part. Are they similar? Did they have a similar purpose but were going about things in a very different way? Notice how the parts feel about each other now? Has there been a shift? If there has not you may want to go back to step 3 and 4 and make sure that you reach the highest purpose for each part. Asked the parts if there are there things about each part that the other part would like to posses or that it admires - it may not be all of the characteristics but perhaps there is something that it would like to have itself. Whilst I would never suggest that it would happen to you many people notice that there hands have moved, slowly inching themselves together through the process as each part realises that they do indeed have a similar underlying purpose. The client in this situation noticed that the parts turned towards one another and now had more of an appreciation for what each wanted to do - there was no longer a sense of friction but one of commonality.
7. Ask the parts if they could work together to achieve the desire outcome and could learn from each other to move forward as one.
8. Take a moment to check if there are any other parts that would like to join in or feel that there has been anything left unsaid. If there is ask this part to join in and repeat the above steps.
9. If all parts are aligned allow the hands to join and with a deep breath bring the parts together pushing them into your chest and enjoying the sensations that occur. Allow yourself to noticed the feelings that occur for you and enjoy them for as long as you feel is right.
10. Take a moment to think about the area now and notice how it now feels for you? Has there been a change or a shift?
11. As with all processes in NLP we then like to do what is known as a future pace. Allow your mind to drift off into the future where you would have normally acted in a different way then you will now that you have these new resource and level of completion. Notice how you now act differently, totally aligned, more efficient and just enjoy how you represent that.
As I mentioned before this is a powerful process. You may find that as you go through the steps that the highest purpose of each part is completely different to what you imagined that it would have been. You can do this on any area of your life - from relationships to people or situations - allowing you to piece together some of those parts and feel more complete then you have in the past. So enjoy!
If any of you go through this and need help or assistance feel free to contact me with your questions on honeyishrunkthevids@gmail.com
To ensure that you receive all of the latest postings visit my Facebook page and click on the ‘Like’ button. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Vids/256234771090470
Until we meet again
Dan
