I’m talking about GOALS here people. When was the last time that you realised a goal that you set for yourself or even set any goals at all? Was it a major win for you?
Sadly many of us never achieve our goals or reach our full potential. Its not because we have unrealistic goals or that we are not capable of excelling at life BUT because we don’t set goals effectively. The topic of today's blog will cover an area known in NLP as well formed outcomes - which provides us with a series of steps we can take to ensure that we are setting ourselves up for success rather then failure.
How many new years resolutions have you kept? If you are anything like me it would be significantly less than you have set. Why is that? Why is it that we start the year with such high expectation only to find ourselves the following year setting the same goals or even worse hating ourselves for not having taken the necessary steps to follow through on the promises that we made to ourselves the year before - we constantly make excuses and try and rationalise the situation to ourselves but at the end of the day we failed - we failed to achieve because we failed to take the necessary steps to set ourselves up for success. But thats ok - today we will learn the tools we need to make our goals a reality!
So lets begin...
There are a number of different methods for well formed outcomes - this is merely the version that I like. Follow through the steps and see if they allow you to get clear about what you want. They say that goals become real when you write them down - so go and get a pen and piece of paper right now and write them down so they won’t just seem real - they will be a reality!
1. What do I want?
Be as specific as possible, ensure that your goal is stated in positive terms, that it is self initiated and within in your control. What do I mean here? Let’s look at an example to make things a little clearer. A classic goal for many of us is to lose weight. How do people normally phrase this? ‘I want to lose some weight’ or ‘I don’t want to be fat’. Neither are specific enough - how much weight and in what time frame? The other issue is that they are not stated in the positive. Can you see how the first statement can be considered negative? It appears fine until you look a little deeper. The human mind doesn’t like ‘losing’ hence it will often resist the concept of losing anything - it likes to gain so aim at gaining good health. The same issue occurs in the second statement - it looks at what we don’t want not what we want to achieve. An example of a correct saying would be something along the lines of... ‘I want to achieve fitness and good health weighing in at x’.
2. How will it be for you?
Here we look at the evidence that we will have to know if we have successfully achieved the goal. This will be sensory based - in earlier blogs we visited the idea of modalities. Here we need to establish how it will be for you when you reach your target. What will it look like? What will you hear? And how will it feel when your reach your goal? Now when you are doing this I would recommend that you are associated - seeing it through your own eyes as you achieve the goal. In the above example what will you see when you are fit and healthy? Would it be yourself in the mirror looking trim and slim? Or will you see a certain weight on a set of scales? Will you hear your partner telling you that you look sexy? Will you feel full of energy? Clothes hanging off you? Muscles bulging? You get the idea!
3. For what purpose?
Why do you want this? What will you get out of it? The idea here is chunk up - forget why you think you want it - often there are other reasons behind the goal. This will be very personal for each person and depend on your own individual drivers. For example ‘If I am fit and healthy I will have more energy. If I have more energy I will be able to do more things and have more fun. If I do more things and have more fun I will be happy.’ And this trend goes on until you can’t go any further and find your ultimate driver and what it gives to you. The trick here is to continue to ask yourself ‘And then what...’ When you can’t answer this question any more you are free to move on.
4. Ecology
So what are the costs and consequences? Will it take a certain amount of time or effort? Will it cost you something financially? Is there a cost or an effect it will have on those around you? Look at all of the effects that it may have on your life and determine if you still want it.
Here we look at the five ‘W’s’. When do you want to achieve this goal? Where will it be and in what situations? And with whom will you experience achieving this goal around? If we apply these questions to our weight loss scenario we could set an exact date that we will be fit and healthy or weigh in at our goal weight - don’t approximate - choose an exact date and draw a line in the sand. Where will it be and in what situations? This one will vary depending on the goal but in our example it could be health in all areas of our life - physical, mental and emotional and to pick healthy options in all social situations. And for the final two ‘W’s’ you will decide with whom you want it - you may choose a partner to do this with. The old saying goes ‘two heads are better than one’ and ‘safety in numbers’. By working with a buddy you have someone else to hold you accountable - often we value other people more than we value ourselves and follow through for their sake and so that we don’t let them down - use this to motivate and you drive. Otherwise take time to think about the most important person in your life...YOU...do it for / with yourself and take pride in the fact you are giving yourself a gift that will allow you to give so much more to others!
6. Resources
What resources do you currently have that will allow you to achieve your goal - don’t just think of physical resources but also your beliefs about yourself. Once you have taken stock on everything that you currently have that will assist you then turn your attention to what else you may need and how you can obtain it. Is there a course you could do? A book you could read? A friend or someone else who has those qualities that you could talk to?
No seriously - if you could achieve this goal right now would you? Take time to contemplate it. If you could click your fingers and it was done would you take the opportunity to do so? If the answer is no - then ask yourself why?
8. Action steps
Come up with a list of three actions you could take at the end of this exercise to move towards your goal. It’s important you start straight away and build momentum. Think of a snowball - it starts small at the top of the summit and as it rolls down the mountain it gathers momentum gaining size and pace. This is you now! They don’t have to be three massive things (but they help if they are) as long as you are moving in the right direction.
9. Future pace
Remember the mind can’t tell the difference between something real, remembered or created - we can use this to our advantage. Close your eyes take a few deep breaths and relax. Cast your mind forward. Imagine going through the steps you need to take to be a success, moving through the motions with ease. See them through your own eyes, hear the sounds as if you are there and feel each feeling that you will experience as you move towards your goal. Allow yourself to experience everything as if you have just achieved the goal. Play with the sub-modalities - increase the size of the visual, make the colours brighter, turn up the sound and amplify the feelings allowing them to grow and resonate throughout your entire body. Just enjoy sensations and bask int eh glory of you just achieving your goal.
By playing with the sub-modalities you are anchoring them to your goals strengthening the connection. We will further develop this concept as time goes on. For now we will leave it here. Try it. It can be a lot of fun and you will find you are far more successful at achieving your goals than the traditional methods of setting and forgetting.
Get out there and try it.
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Until we meet again
Dan
