How many of you found that something stirred deep inside you and you began to react by either getting ready to go into battle and argue the point, or to list all the reasons why it’s not your fault?
Before we get into the heart of today’s blog it may be worth considering if this is the way that you live your life - living in a state of REACTION. Not creating a life you want to live but reacting to the events around you and looking for a way to justify why its someones else fault that you aren’t happy, not rich, don’t have the ideal relationship or anything else it is that you currently would like but don’t have.
I recently went to a three day seminar - whilst it was three days of long, gruelling and confronting 13 hours session I saw some brave people undergo some astounding personal transformations and it reconfirmed somethings I already knew. I found it put a spring back in my step and it helped to lift the fog that seemed to have been surrounding me for the past couple of weeks. Todays blog will discuss this and assist you to bring more clarity to whichever area of your life that you are currently struggling with.
I recently went to a three day seminar - whilst it was three days of long, gruelling and confronting 13 hours session I saw some brave people undergo some astounding personal transformations and it reconfirmed somethings I already knew. I found it put a spring back in my step and it helped to lift the fog that seemed to have been surrounding me for the past couple of weeks. Todays blog will discuss this and assist you to bring more clarity to whichever area of your life that you are currently struggling with.
The concepts are simple but often it is the simple things in life that we over look. Todays blog will have a lot of comparisons to the earlier blog ‘There is no spoon..’ where we learnt that the map is not the territory. Many people wrote to me to say that this was something that they had never considered, others wrote to me to advise that they didn’t quite get what I was saying and my mother struggled with the reference of the spoon and the matrix but that’s ok - hopefully todays blog will help shed a little more light on the topic.
So it’s all your fault...hold your tongue...don’t let the little voice inside your head start to argue the point. And here is why. There is no meaning in life - yes this is no longer revolutionary and we have covered this previously but it is something you may recall reading previously but I ask you this - how many of you have been living it? How many of you have been in an argument and stopped and remembered this point? I would think not many and here is why...it’s something I struggle with and I have been practising for a while now - it takes time to master.
SO there is no mean in life, just events. You take these events and create meaning out of them. This is something that the seminar rehashed but it went one step further to talk more about the stories that we tell ourselves. You see the event occur and you begin to process it, looking for similar situations to compare it too and then construct the mean - the meaning from your individual perspective. Now the perspective you have and the meaning you create forms a part of the story that you tell yourself. This story often forms a part of your identity - but its not really who you are.
So it’s all your fault...hold your tongue...don’t let the little voice inside your head start to argue the point. And here is why. There is no meaning in life - yes this is no longer revolutionary and we have covered this previously but it is something you may recall reading previously but I ask you this - how many of you have been living it? How many of you have been in an argument and stopped and remembered this point? I would think not many and here is why...it’s something I struggle with and I have been practising for a while now - it takes time to master.
SO there is no mean in life, just events. You take these events and create meaning out of them. This is something that the seminar rehashed but it went one step further to talk more about the stories that we tell ourselves. You see the event occur and you begin to process it, looking for similar situations to compare it too and then construct the mean - the meaning from your individual perspective. Now the perspective you have and the meaning you create forms a part of the story that you tell yourself. This story often forms a part of your identity - but its not really who you are.
What makes up a good story? Those of you who enjoy reading books or watching movies would agree that stories normally consist of three main things: A drama, a villain and a victim. And this is how you live life. An event occurs, you assign meaning to it - the story then has the drama. The other person in the story is often the villain and whether you care to admit it or not you see yourself as the victim. Lets take a typical example. You come home from work and you find that your partner has left a pair of socks on the floor, you instantly get upset - your partner always does this, they have done it just to get at you and you fly off the handle and an argument begins. Sound familiar? I’m confident that you will be able to find a similar situation in your life if you try hard enough. In this case our story consists of a drama (the socks on the floor and whatever meaning you have assigned) a villain (your partner) and a victim (you) - our story is now complete. There is no meaning in this situation. There is an event - socks left on the floor and that is all there really is. Everything there after is created by you - making everything else your fault because you created it. In order for the fight to start you had to create meaning out of the event - you created the story that the partner is lazy, that they are doing it to get at you, that if they loved you they would put things away. By you considering all of these things you create the emotion, frustration and rage inside you and then unleash it on the other person. You turn them into the villain and you are just the victim in this situation.
Now you may think I have exaggerated the above example - but have I really? You’re not living a victim mentality I hear you say - maybe you are maybe you aren’t I don’t know. All I ask is that you consider it in different areas of your life - try this concept on for size and see how it fits.
If you come to the realisation that this idea may be a possibility in certain areas of your life ask yourself why. What are you getting out of being the victim? Is it because it makes you right and the other person wrong? Do you win in some way and the other person loses? Does it allow you to avoid responsibility for your actions or reactions? Its likely that you are getting some payoff or it wouldn’t be an issue and you wouldn’t react. As human beings we like to be right or win even if it means we lose in some other way if you know what I mean. One thing is for sure that its not allowing you to express yourself completely, allowing you to experience love, well being or aliveness. This happens in many areas of your life - you are constantly judging people and to see if what they are saying is right or true, wondering what they are trying to achieve and get out of you or even what is in it for you. We are that busy analysing everything that we aren’t really hearing what is being said - we are too busy thinking about how it affects us and what we want to say next rather than accepting the person and experiencing them for who they are.
If you come to the realisation that this idea may be a possibility in certain areas of your life ask yourself why. What are you getting out of being the victim? Is it because it makes you right and the other person wrong? Do you win in some way and the other person loses? Does it allow you to avoid responsibility for your actions or reactions? Its likely that you are getting some payoff or it wouldn’t be an issue and you wouldn’t react. As human beings we like to be right or win even if it means we lose in some other way if you know what I mean. One thing is for sure that its not allowing you to express yourself completely, allowing you to experience love, well being or aliveness. This happens in many areas of your life - you are constantly judging people and to see if what they are saying is right or true, wondering what they are trying to achieve and get out of you or even what is in it for you. We are that busy analysing everything that we aren’t really hearing what is being said - we are too busy thinking about how it affects us and what we want to say next rather than accepting the person and experiencing them for who they are.
So its all your fault...sad isn’t it - I hate being wrong - but it’s not about being right or wrong anymore - it’s about being.
Here is the good news - if it is all your fault it means that you now have control. Just knowing that you create meaning out of the events in your life opens up a whole world of possibility. Instead of creating what’s wrong with life maybe you could create the possibility for what is right with your life and what you would want things to mean - putting a positive and productive swing on it rather than a negative one.
Just knowing this has changed how I have reacted to situations in my life. The other day it was wet and rainy. You may not know but Perth is the third windiest city in the world. I had just about finished walking to work when a gust of wind destroyed my umbrella and left me defenceless to the elements. Normally I would have gotten angry and pissed off at mother nature - how dare she screw me - what a shrew of a women - the event would have ruined my entire day. Instead I decided not to create any meaning out of the situation and laughed it off. As I continued to walk to work in the rain I saw something similar happen to another guy...he reacted somewhat differently screaming abuse and profanity at the sky. Which reality would you prefer to live in? One where you are reacting or one where you have a choice in what meaning you create out of life’s events?
Here is the good news - if it is all your fault it means that you now have control. Just knowing that you create meaning out of the events in your life opens up a whole world of possibility. Instead of creating what’s wrong with life maybe you could create the possibility for what is right with your life and what you would want things to mean - putting a positive and productive swing on it rather than a negative one.
Just knowing this has changed how I have reacted to situations in my life. The other day it was wet and rainy. You may not know but Perth is the third windiest city in the world. I had just about finished walking to work when a gust of wind destroyed my umbrella and left me defenceless to the elements. Normally I would have gotten angry and pissed off at mother nature - how dare she screw me - what a shrew of a women - the event would have ruined my entire day. Instead I decided not to create any meaning out of the situation and laughed it off. As I continued to walk to work in the rain I saw something similar happen to another guy...he reacted somewhat differently screaming abuse and profanity at the sky. Which reality would you prefer to live in? One where you are reacting or one where you have a choice in what meaning you create out of life’s events?
Go out and try this. Look at your life and everything in it. Have you created meaning over certain situations that have now become a habit? Have you been playing the victim and letting this hold you back in some areas of your life? Could you start to take control of your life by looking at the different options for what each thing could mean and then choosing the option that excites, enthuses and empowers you?
We will continue to explore these ideas in upcoming blogs. I heard something the other day that I loved. Mastery does not take genius or superior genes. It requires average intelligence and continued application. I find this idea empowering - if you continue to apply and practice these techniques over time you will begin to master them and in turn create a life that you are excited about.
To ensure that you receive all of the latest postings visit my Facebook page and click on the ‘Like’ button. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Vids/256234771090470
Until we meet again.
Dan
We will continue to explore these ideas in upcoming blogs. I heard something the other day that I loved. Mastery does not take genius or superior genes. It requires average intelligence and continued application. I find this idea empowering - if you continue to apply and practice these techniques over time you will begin to master them and in turn create a life that you are excited about.
To ensure that you receive all of the latest postings visit my Facebook page and click on the ‘Like’ button. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Honey-I-Shrunk-the-Vids/256234771090470
Until we meet again.
Dan
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